Friday Funnies

Today is Abraham Lincoln’s birthday, so this edition of Friday Funnies is dedicated to him, our funniest president. Here are some witty quotes from Lincoln;

“He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas better than any man I ever met.”

“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”

“Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.”

“Tact: the ability to describe others as they see themselves.”

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”

“The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time”

“You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.”

“Give me six hours to chop down a tree, and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.”

And I think Lincoln would have liked this one…

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On Groundhog Day

Red NoVA’s attempt to push legislation that would change Groundhog Day to National Watch the Movie Groundhog Day Day has failed. We will re-write the bill and try again next year.

Red NoVA’s attempt to push legislation that would change Groundhog Day to National Watch the Movie Groundhog Day Day has failed. We will re-write the bill and try again next year.

Red NoVA’s attempt to push legislation that would change Groundhog Day to National Watch the Movie Groundhog Day Day has failed. We will re-write the bill and try again next year.

(Wink.)

Groundhog-Day-Movie-Poster

The Night Before Christmas in Virginia

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the commonwealth
Not a legislator was stirring, most of them will return in good health
Their bills were hung in the hopper with care
In hopes that enough votes soon would be there
Their constituents were home all snug in their beds
While concerns for the future messed with their heads
Republicans in suits and Democrats along with Chap
Had just settled some deals before taking a nap
When out from Richmond there arose such a clatter
The news media could not figure out what was the matter
Quickly to the internet I opened pages with a flash
Downloaded content and threw out the ads
When what to my wondering eyes did appear
It was Governor McAuliffe drinking a beer
With a new version of Medicaid expansion he thought he was slick
I would have preferred to see jolly St. Nick
Surrounded by Democrats all of the same
He whistled, and shouted, calling his minions by name:
“Now, Saslaw, now Northam now Barker and Wexton
On Toscano, on Bulova, on Sickles and Preston
To the top of the agenda, to the top of the session
Now attack, attack with every possession”
As the Republicans before they did not lie
Then responded with “no chance we’ll let this fly”
Up to the General Assembly the Democrats they flew
With promises of free stuff along with healthcare too
We need to live within our means or we’ll lose our roof
Terry, it ain’t going to work and we have proof
Medicaid will bankrupt us, that’s Terry’s plan
Good thing Republicans have the votes to stop an expand
But Terry’s eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry
I knew he was drunk, his face was red like a cherry
His drunk little mouth was drawn like a bow
I could tell right away his plan was all just for show
With Terry’s broad face and his little round belly
Is he putting whiskey in his breakfast jelly?
He was groggy and lit, a ripe jolly old Governor
And I laughed when I saw him, ‘cause he’ll take long to recover
A wink of his eye and a suggestive move of his head
Soon made me realize we have two more years to dread
He stumbled on his feet and gave his team a whistle
Thank God he doesn’t command any ballistic missiles
But I heard him fall down as he went out of sight
Merry Christmas to all, our drunk Governor ain’t right

Wreath

Friday Funnies

Here is a Christmas themed joke that is working its way around Republican circles:

“Obama supporters are a lot like Christmas lights. They all hang together, not all of them work, and the ones that do work are not very bright.”

Apologies for being unable to cite its source but we have the feeling the joke has been around for as long as there has been electricity with the name being interchangeable.

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Friday Funnies

Judicial Watch ran a story this week, linked here, about Hillary Clinton’s team trying to bully the owner of the Laugh Factory. Take a look at this link to a video available at Laugh Factory’s website. Hillary’s team demanded the video be removed and even threaten the owner of the Laugh Factory. They also wanted info on the comedians. The owner stood tall and told Hillary’s people no way. Hillary doesn’t want you to watch this so it’s the perfect selection for this week’s Friday Funnies. Enjoy.

laugh factory

Jimmy Carter Worked All Day

A frequent stop on my runs through the internet is The History Channel’s This Day in History page. Typically the page offers around 20 brief descriptions of noteworthy historical events from a variety of categories. My interest in politics often has me looking at the Presidential category, which had a particularly interesting headline today: “President Carter puts in a long day at the office.” Seriously, that’s the story.

This is truly remarkable. Imagine a chief executive staying busy at work and still making it to bed before midnight. Well President Carter did that on this day in 1977, and The History Channel is telling the story. Usually reserved for significant events, such as May 12th‘s entry which is dedicated to Teddy Roosevelt being the first president filmed doing official duties, the Presidential category has to really reach to include Jimmy Carter in it. The site must have a quota for the presidents and Carter makes it tough on historians. Working all day, playing tennis, having dinner and going to a show with his wife, is considered a noteworthy set of accomplishments when you’re talking about Carter.

It is fair to assume that when you have a presidency as pitiful as Carter’s you should appreciate any positive press you can get. But I couldn’t help but take the story that he worked all day as an illustration of how bad a job he did.

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